Keep my composure

Posted July 08

It hasn't been the best of times. 

In mid-May I fell ill for a month - and just as I was recovering, I fell ill again. It's been physically exhausting, and left me sapped of strength. 

Even when I'm sick, even when I'm tired, I work. I push myself to meet the monthly deadlines I set myself. 

And I can't help but wondering - for what? 

Strangers from around the globe have cited me as an inspiration for my work against human trafficking. 

But I'm not working against human trafficking. I haven't been for months. 

Since April, I've been trying to find the money so that I can continue my work against human trafficking. 

Now it's July, and I still haven't found it. 

I spent months doing the same thing last year, with the same results. 

I'm a film-maker, not a fundraiser. I don't enjoy raising funds, and I'm not particularly good at it. 

It destroys me to waste so much time hustling for cash, when there's so much more I could be doing. 

When Sisters For Sale could have been finished long ago, could already be making a difference in the world. 

Sometimes, I need a little inspiration of my own. 

Would you like to hear about my wonderful moment of inspiration that turned everything around?

Would you like to hear a cute, upbeat story about the little guy beating the odds? 

I can't tell you that story, not today. 

I've tried almost everything I can think of to get this documentary funded. There are still things I could try. There are always more things to try. 

But I've been trying for years now, and I'm tired of beating my head against the wall. 

I'm tired of the fact that I haven't seen a paycheck in three years. 

I'm tired of giving my life for others. 

I know I've achieved incredible things with The Human, Earth Project

I know I  have a phenomenal, one-of-a-kind story that could make a very real difference in the public awareness and understanding of the global human trafficking crisis. 

But I've spent years on starvation rations. I've watched my entire personal savings - and much of my inheritance - disappear. 

I've been threatened with murder. I've been abused by the ignorant and the greedy. 

I've been dragged through the mud by those would project their own failings upon me. I've lost the very friendships I started this Project for. 

And for what? What has this Project ever given me? 

Three times in the past year I've reached the limit. Three times I've sat down to write the announcement that would end The Human, Earth Project

I've never yet been able to finish that message. Because I don't want to end it. Because I want to continue. 

But it can't go on like this. 

Over the past three months, a few of you have come forward to volunteer your time, and I appreciate it. I've been leaning on you more and more heavily. 

I've asked a lot from you, because I don't have any more answers. I've taken every favour I could get, because I have so little left to give. 

How far would I go for my friends? Not much further than this. 

I was raised to believe I could achieve anything, if only I wanted it badly enough - but I'm not sure what I want anymore. 

I'm taking some time out. 

I can't say what's going to happen with Sisters For Sale

If you think you're disappointed at the possibility of never seeing the completed film, you can't possibly imagine. 

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